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College, life, inspiration...

I don't know if this happens to other people or if it's just some weird element of my personality but as I go through my life I often get these moments where I feel as though I completely belong, that I'm exactly where I supposed to be doing exactly what I should be doing. It may happen at the most random moments but those moments are increasing all the time. For someone like me who is extremely indecisive and second guessed her college course decision until the final second (despite loving it) this is a new, completely welcomed feeling. I didn't feel as though I had found my 'place' in college up to Christmas. I mean I was lucky in that I had some really good friends that I had made gradually but because I wasn't instantly as close to them as my old friends (and I know this is insane) I felt that I was doing something wrong. I wasn't secure or relaxed enough to let things just develop naturally. However after Christmas I just relaxed in my own skin a little and decided that if these brilliant people wanted to be a part of my life as much as I wanted to be part of theirs then they would have to accept me for what I chose to do, while also becoming more flexible myself to accommodate coffee/study dates to get to know them better. Thankfully even though it was a largely subconscious decision it's paid off in that my friendships both with my new friends and my old friends (who I'd been insecure in as well because we're all changing, though ultimately for the better and I had to realise and accept that) are growing and developing. I'm even getting close to a guy in my English and Archaeology classes that I think might eventually go somewhere...I mean he's asked me to a poetry reading today...(yes he's real, I didn't know they made guys that actually did that either)...That's weird for me too, I'm usually the one who falls for the guy and then pines after them as they go about their lives never realising that I have feelings that run deeper so it's a very nice change to feel chased for once.

to create or not to create

I often scroll through Tumblr, livejournal and wordpress and get this urge to write and create and scream something at the world but then when I actually go about doing it I end up staring at that blinking cursor on the blank page. I suppose it stems from the not knowing what I want to put out there. I suppose I should; I mean if I don't whose gonna be able to tell me. Hmm...ya anyway that's me done...and look three posts in two days! are we proud? I am haha.

Well my life recently...

It just damned on me there that I haven't updated this in over a year. I remember posting the last real post with all these good intentions to start posting regularly again but it never happened. I regret it now in a way as I would love to go back and see what my stressed out exam orientated emotional (I was graduating!!) brain would have sent out into the world. I mean going back 4 years (god I'm getting old!) and reading the posts I made about the J.C and the things I found worthy of a post quite hilarious and insightful into the me of that time because these are obviously the things that I wanted to share with...well future me because no one really ever read this (much).

I haven't been completely absent from the internet world (as if I ever will be...can anyone say addiction!). I have started a literary blog over on wordpress.com (I would have used this but at the time it was a joint collaboration which has now been reduced to little aul me and they preferred that site). It's basically a forum in which I can talk about books, review them and possibly muse about literature and the way it can truly affect and influence us. Be warned that unfortunately despite the best of intentions I am an irregular poster. I was ok during the summer but then college started and between the work and the 4 hour all round commute, it just didn't happen. But I have started to post again and will try my utmost to keep it somewhat updated. Check it out; http://ambilit.wordpress.com (though actual family members read that whereby this is anonymous so keep this blog our little secret if you feel inclined to comment, thanks!)

In major life news (other than I got into my dream college course after years of attending the same college open day seminars!!! GO ME!!) I'm heading state side this summer...yes as in the US...no I haven't lost my mind...Yes this is the same girl who got home sick on a six day trip to Paris. Ok it's really unlike me and not something I would have seen myself doing but then again nothing good that I have done in the last 5 years was planned other than college and every life experience has spurred me onto bigger and better things culminating in this, so really it is like me to take a chance on life and hope for the best. I'm not going alone either I have a solid support base in a really good friend who has family out there and other than not having a job as of yet everything seems to be going smoothly (cue impending failure as I've now jinxed everything! ha!)

As for the world of fandom I'm still there, I don't post my own stories on Fanfiction.net any more because I don't really write anymore. But I haven't closed the door on writing I often jot things down for my own enjoyment. I got over the addiction that was supernatural (don't throw stones! I never thought it would happen either!) I just don't like where they took the show, though watching the 7th season is still on my to-do list just so I can be an informed complainer. As of mid-October my main aim in life (other than doing quite nicely in the grades department thank you very much :D) has been to devour as much Queer as folk into my little brain as possible! Has there ever been a more perfect show?! (I'm gliding nicely over the 4th and 5th seasons as when you go on a 3 week binge as a new comer just the thought of having more episodes was enough to have me ignoring the glaringly obvious changes taking place.) I am in love with the purity of the love between Justin and Brian. I mean ok, I wanted to talk some sense into Brian more than once but I was always on his side rooting for him/them. I wish they had explored their relationship/characters more on the show and feel they truly could have exploited certain plot lines more to dig into Brian's character and how much he trusted Justin more than his 'pseudo-family' eg. bashing, kinney deaths/accusations, craig, pink posse ramifications and the list goes on. I could talk about them forever, I'm in love with them!!

I must now go and do some research for college :) chao...

Results

I'm post dating this to AUGUST 19, 2012 because though it was originally posted on my literary blog this journal has been orientated around my exams and schooling for the best part of 5/6 years...It and the wider Cosmos deserve some closure and maybe I do too on some level. :D

Early last Wednesday morning as you were all tucked up in bed, I like so many of my fellow students was pacing the floors, waiting for 9 o’clock when my leaving cert results to be released. Never before have I been so calm and so nervous at the same time. Most of the nerves you feel at that moment are the ones you think you’re supposed to have, you see your friends almost in tears beside you and think that you must also react in that way. But when the principal’s door opens and you’re summoned in to collect that ominous brown envelope, you don’t care how you were feeling moments before. I can only speak for myself, we each have our own reactions, but a strange calm came over me. I thought before hand that I would have a problem opening the envelope, that the nerves would get the better of me, but they didn’t. I opened it quickly, taking only a moment to remember the huge amount of work that I’d put into the exams and accepting, in advance, anything it might hold. But I didn’t have to worry, when I pulled out the form the most important grade was right there at the top…A1 in English…top grade. Not many are lucky enough to get it despite being good enough. I’m delighted but also grateful, grateful to myself for getting the work done, grateful to my mom for believing in me and grateful to my teacher who made me believe it was possible. To remember where I came from and the work that went into getting where I am today is a strange, wonderful thing, but it makes me believe that whatever I decide to do in the future will work, simply because I’m too stubborn to let it fail and because I’m surrounded by people who won’t let it happen.

Book Review!!

Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables, #1)Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This is a beautiful book, in the purest sincerest possible way. You cannot help but fall in love with Anne and the band of characters which Montgomery illustrates with ease as if they were real tangible people waiting to be brought to life on the page. They are us in so many ways. Anne, the child who dreamed of a wonderful life and was given it. Marila, the mature woman who has learned the hard way that life is not easy but still holds the ability to humour Anne while still shaping her into a sensible respectable woman. Mathew, the shy, sensitive man with a heart of gold, knowing when to stand up for what he believes in but also when to let things be. I laughed, cried and felt for each and every character supporting or otherwise, an achievement rarely won by an author.



The imagery alone leaves one daydreaming of life in Avonlea when reality proves too much. It evokes the most vivid images that I have ever been fortunate enough to read. I can be a lazy reader on occasion and have been guilty of glossy over descriptive paragraphs when it delays the real story, but I did not get the urge to commit that crime once during this book. I remember my mom reading this to me when I was younger, or I imagine she did as I had vivid memories of certain aspects of it. It did not disappoint and though deemed a childrens book, like many classic novels relegated to the childrens genre it transcends this typecast and falls into the lap of anyone willing to take a chance on it.





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I’VE FINISHED PHYSICS…kinda :)

Ok I’m back and my study day was about as productive as walking backwards up a mountain…Don’t know where that anology came from but there you have it. I’m now listening to Evanescence a band which got me through both my maths and Tech. Graph study for the junior cert. Unfortunately I’ve adopted a ‘no music while studying policy’ as it’s pointless because I’m doing 7 killer subjects that kind of demand brain power and not the repitition which music can help with.

YouTube is Evil! Yes I know it’s an insentient website but it’s so addictive!! Went on it this morning because my subconcious was looking for an escape and I knew deep down I wouldn’t be coming off it again. 2 and a half hours later I guilted myself into opening my physics book and decided at the rate I’d messed up the whole timetable thing the last two days, it just wasn’t going to work so I decided to just concentrate on physics today and finish the chapters which are coming up on my xmas exams next week. Good news is I finished them. Bad news is that it took my distracted brain 5 hours!! (Give or take)

I’m going to try and replicate that 5 hours but a little more productively by finishing my killer Chemistry course. I haven’t mentioned this before but I hate chemistry!! I took it because it was my favourite section in the Junior cert and my Year head offered to go out on a limb to get me into the class( I’ll explain in another post, basically it was because I don’t do Irish) I disregarded how mind numbingly boring it was in T.Y as just a bad selection of classes and topics, exasperated by the fact that I missed most of the taster classes due to being at the BT Young Scientist (Go me!! My team got Highly Commended if you’re curious ) I might actually do a post on that in the future. It may be relevent as I know people who have done the competition in 5th and 6th year (not that I’d recommend it). But I took it, and I’ve regretted it since. I’m pretty lucky with my grades, I work hard and it pays off, but for this subject it just wasn’t working. The money situation added to the fact that I learn in my own hap hazard fashion meant that I didn’t go for grinds. So what I did around xmas in 5th year was quit complaining with the rest of the class (none of us get the subject) and just got stuck into fixing the problem. I took 1-2 chapters every weekend (on top of the rest of my study) and kept trying to improve. Thankfully it paid off in the summer exams but this year he’s given us a test each week from chapter one up to what we have studied so far and my results have been like a rollercoaster ride up, down and all around. I just hope I can pull it off when it counts in June.

I’m just so ready for this year to be over so I can go to london, get my results, start college and start having a life again. If I ever did…

Timetable?...What Timetable??

I threw out the study timetable this morning, as my alarm went off and i turned over instead of getting up. I still got up relatively early(just gone 9), showered, ate you know all the essentials if one is not going to let this year completely kill them.

I then went into my room and decided to disregard the clock all day. I think a lot of us fall into the trap of putting too much stock in the time we spend studying, myself included. I take great pride in studying for hours on end and im not saying that’s a good or a bad thing. But my point is that maybe, instead of getting half of 5 subjects done in 5 hours, get all of a chapter or section of maybe two/three subjects done and be able to get out that trusty highlighter and confidently mark off that sectuon as done.

Even though i dont think thats ever done confidently for a lot of people i think we always think theres another sum to be done or that if a question on cosgraves gov comes up the world will end because you cant remember what that one polititcians name. But the truth is you dont need to learn everything u just need to use what u were able to learn confidently. I wish i could follow my own advice!

Hi...remember me??

Ok, I haven't been on here in...a very long time. But anyway a friend of mine has pointed me in the direction of a blogging site dedicated to those sitting Irelands Leaving Certificate (kinda maps out your whole life) not knowing that I actually kept sane by bloggin on this during my Junior Cert so as I don't really want her reading these posts, as I don't know what I've said in the past in the heat of the moment. So I'm going to post what I write there here as well so sorry if it doesn't always make sense to anyone who isn't Irish. :)

The first post was as follows :)

I come to you for the first time during one of my many unscheduled study breaks. What am i supposed to be study according to my genius timetable, you may ask?…Hamlet…what pray tell has amber been doing for the last few hours and is still doing? Studying lenins russia! Yes everybody, 3 days in to mid term break and im already behind on previuosly mentioned killer timetable that one needs because one has lost all her study skills built painstakingly over the last 5 years. Yes one has gone crazy but its only an act. In the words of dear hamlet, its an antic dispostion.

I’m actually going back to finish that but I’ll be here regularly…Timetable allowing





I also really wish I could get involved in nanowrimo but life says no and I must bow to life, maybe next year...
Paper TownsPaper Towns by John Green

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I have to try and make this review sound impressive :) so I'm not killed by my friends who adore this author even more than I do, which is a lot. So here goes.



Got this book off my aforementioned friend in June not really expecting to like it, to be completely honest. While I don't mind young adult books in general I had hesitations about whether or not I'd enjoy this kind. But I did. :) Books don't win me over often, I'm stubborn in my opinions and my mind goes about 90 miles an hour whenever I try to read, buzzing with things I should be doing. Life presented more opportunities to read peacefully when the big bad world wasn't knocking on my front door. :)



I think the reason I loved the book, was that it spoke to where I am in life. I'm graduating this year, I'm begining to see that people don't see the 3D version of me, just what I choose to portray to the world, the 2D version. That's what this book is about. It's about how we see people everyday and build up this mental image of what they are, who they are, without any space for them to grow up or reinvent themselves in. It explores how our vision of them would change if they left us in a little to the inner sanctum which is their world.





I'm sure it says a lot more, but to me that's what the story held for me and it's what won me over. Overall the main character Quentin is brilliant. He has a perfect attendance record in school but dosen't completely stress over school. He's friends are loyal while being real characters who can get ticked off like the best of us. The story of margo's disappearance is a true mystery John Green gives you enough clues that you can theorise for yourself. Basically the book is brilliant and you'd be mad not to read this wonderful book written by a genius author.



P.S check out his and his brother's youtube videos at their vlogbrothers channel :)



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Sleepyhead (Tom Thorne, #1)Sleepyhead by Mark Billingham

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


It's been a little while since I've read this book but I thought it was about time I added a couple reviews. I heard about the thorne series after watching the 3 tv episodes shown on Sky last year. They were really good and captured my imagination, so I ordered the book in my local library.



I can't say it lived up to my hopes completely. Thorne is of course a flawed character and to a point that was intrigueing but he was a bit too flawed for my liking. To the point where I was even thinking he was insane. I was also expecting his relationship with the coroner (can't remember his name now) to be a little stronger, like in the series, as this is one aspect I enjoyed. While I didn't expect him to be all lovey dovey with the guy, I thought he'd at least know he was gay as he wasn't closeted. They even changed that in the series as it's a bit...bizare.



The plot itself had me guessing a little but after I got into the book I knew who the killer was, as again it was one of the books adapted to the tv series. I wish I had read the book first as it is well written and I feel my judgement was clouded by going into it with preconceptions.



Altogether, a good novel but not the best I've read.



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